Lamentations 3:19-38

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

²⁰ I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

²⁷ It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

²⁸ Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

²⁹ Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

³⁰ Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

³¹ For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

³² Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

³³ For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

³⁴ To crush underfoot
all prisoners in the land,

³⁵ to deny a man his rights
before the Most High,

³⁶ to deprive a man of justice—
would not the Lord see such things?

³⁷ Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?

³⁸ Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?

Romans 5:1-5

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Journal entry 10-12-06

"For most of my life I have held that it is worse to feel something wonderful and have it snatched away than to have never experienced it. It was torture when my mom would hug me and tell me she loved me and then the next day yell and hurt me. I wanted to be hardened. To not enjoy the first part so that the second wouldn't hurt so badly. With Matt I felt something wonderful and thought there could be something more later. I see it all coming to nothing now. Disappointment.

If I hadn't hoped I would not feel so bad. Still, thinking about it, would I really want to live in a world that was completely cold? Back to my mother. If she had never hugged me and said she loved me- If all there was was fear- there may have been no disappointment and no hunger for the good but without those things it may have been much tougher for me to see that good existed. Maybe it is the disappointment that shows me how much I need the One who will not disappoint. Maybe I could have more readily accepted the dark. Maybe- I think all I can do is hope. But this hope must be placed in God. All else is a gift from Him or a gifte taken away by Him. I can give up and not want to experience the good or I can accept it knowing that it can be taken. I can know that the Ultimate Good will always be."

"...we Christians can wait expectantly and with fortitude for the 'hope' to manifest itself precisely because that for which we hope is 'unseen' and thereby part of the eternal and sure purposes of God. The attitude of 'patience endurance' is one that is frequently required of Christians undergoing trials and as they await the climax of God's salvation for them. The word suggests the combination of 'bearing up' under intense pressure. This is the virtue required by Christians as we eagerly await 'the hope of the glory of God.'"
--Douglas Moo The Epistle to the Romans p522 commenting on Rom 18:25

Romans 8:18-25

¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Let Your Love be Strong

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love


-Let your Love be strong
Switchfoot.

A Beautiful Mind

"The existence of someone with schizophrenia has been compared to that of the person living in a glass prison pounding on the walls, unable to be heard, yet very visible."
-A Beautiful Mind: A Man All Alone in a Strange World p323

When God Weeps

"I'm across the ocean in England when the fax arrives at my hotel, relaying the story. John's wife, along with a nurse, found him in the early morning with ants still in his hair, mouth, and eyes. His skin was badly bitten and burned. Pray for him, the fax conveys, we've never seen him so depressed. I'm speaking at a conference, conveying the plight of disabled people. I'm speaking of God's mercy and his protection over the weak and the vulnerable. I sit by the receptionist's desk and want to read the fax a second time but can't. My stomach's sick. John is a Christian. His God can see in the dark."
-p24

"Thirty seconds after the 1995 terrorist bomb exploded in Oklahoma City, people lay writhing everywhere in pools of blood...Near you lies a women- face, torso, and arms shredded with glass shrapnel. An artery has obviously been hit, but you can't tell exactly where from a few away. The horror of the sight may make you feel faint. You may feel confused and panicked. You may feel afraid that another bomb will go off. You may feel like cursing or praying. You may feel a thousand things- but if you don't stop the feeling and start thinking about how to stop her flow of blood and attend to her shock, this women may die.

But shouldn't people have feelings after such a blast? Oh, yes. Intense suffering calls for deep emotions. In the aftermath, Oklahoma and the nation should weep and weep. We should weep. God weeps. 'To everything there is a season...a time to weep.' But there is also a time to think. Neither can replace the other."
-p66

Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes

Enemy
Familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth
Whispering lies
And it hurts again...

What I fear
What I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain
I want it to end
But I want it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's still the same
Pursuing pain
Isn't worth the light I've gained
We both know
How this will end
But I do it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
It's everything

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's breaking me
It's breaking me

I'm falling apart
I'm falling apart

--RED Fight Inside

Job 16:6-17:16

⁶ "Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved;

and if I refrain, it does not go away.

⁷ Surely, O God, you have worn me out;
you have devastated my entire household.

⁸ You have bound me—and it has become a witness;
my gauntness rises up and testifies against me.

⁹ God assails me and tears me in his anger
and gnashes his teeth at me;
my opponent fastens on me his piercing eyes.

¹⁰ Men open their mouths to jeer at me;
they strike my cheek in scorn
and unite together against me.

¹¹ God has turned me over to evil men
and thrown me into the clutches of the wicked.

¹² All was well with me, but he shattered me;
he seized me by the neck and crushed me.
He has made me his target;

¹³ his archers surround me.
Without pity, he pierces my kidneys
and spills my gall on the ground.

¹⁴ Again and again he bursts upon me;
he rushes at me like a warrior.

¹⁵ "I have sewed sackcloth over my skin
and buried my brow in the dust.

¹⁶ My face is red with weeping,
deep shadows ring my eyes;

¹⁷ yet my hands have been free of violence
and my prayer is pure.

¹⁸ "O earth, do not cover my blood;
may my cry never be laid to rest!

¹⁹ Even now my witness is in heaven;
my advocate is on high.

²⁰ My intercessor is my friend ^a]">[a]
as my eyes pour out tears to God;

²¹ on behalf of a man he pleads with God
as a man pleads for his friend.

²² "Only a few years will pass
before I go on the journey of no return.

¹ My spirit is broken,
my days are cut short,
the grave awaits me.

² Surely mockers surround me;
my eyes must dwell on their hostility.

³ "Give me, O God, the pledge you demand.
Who else will put up security for me?

⁴ You have closed their minds to understanding;
therefore you will not let them triumph.

⁵ If a man denounces his friends for reward,
the eyes of his children will fail.

⁶ "God has made me a byword to everyone,
a man in whose face people spit.

⁷ My eyes have grown dim with grief;
my whole frame is but a shadow.

⁸ Upright men are appalled at this;
the innocent are aroused against the ungodly.

⁹ Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to their ways,
and those with clean hands will grow stronger.

¹⁰ "But come on, all of you, try again!
I will not find a wise man among you.

¹¹ My days have passed, my plans are shattered,
and so are the desires of my heart.

¹² These men turn night into day;
in the face of darkness they say, 'Light is near.'

¹³ If the only home I hope for is the grave, ^b]">[b]
if I spread out my bed in darkness,

¹⁴ if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,'
and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,'

¹⁵ where then is my hope?
Who can see any hope for me?

¹⁶ Will it go down to the gates of death ^c]">[c] ?
Will we descend together into the dust?"

Hymn of Praise (Josiah Condor)

Thou art the everlasting Word,
The Father's only Son;
God manifestly seen and heard,
And Heaven's beloved One.
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

In Thee most perfectly expressed
The Father's glories shine;
Of the full Deity possessed,
Eternally divine:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

True Image of the Infinite,
Whose essence is concealed;
Brightness of uncreated light;
The heart of God revealed:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

But the high mysteries of Thy name
And angel's grasp transcend;
The Father only- glorious claim!-
The Son can comprehend:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

Throughout the universe of bliss,
The center Thou, and sun;
The eternal theme of praise is this,
To Heaven's beloved One:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

--Josiah Condor (1789-1855)