Monday, March 24, 2008

Politically Correct Bedtime Stories

These stories crack me up :)

"Hello, Cinderella, I am your fairy godperson, or individual deity proxy, if you prefer. So, you want to go to the ball, eh? And bind yourself into the male concept of beauty? Squeeze into some tight -fitting dress that will cut off your circulation? Jam your feet into high-heeled shoes that will ruin your bone structure? Paint your face with chemicals and makeup that have been tested on nonhuman nanimals? ...

The prince has made it clear to his friends that he was intent on 'possessing' the young wommon. But the prince's resolutness angered his pals, for they too lusted after her and wanted to own her. The men began to shout and push each other. ...

The womyn were appalled by this vicious display of testosterone, but try as they might, they were unable to separate the combatants. To the other womyn, it seemed that Cinderella was the cause of all the trouble, so they encircled her and began to display very unsisterly hostility. She tried to escape, but her impractical glass slippers made it nearly impossible. Fortunately for her, none of the other womyn were shod any better.

...When the bell rang the twelfth time, Cinderella's beautiful gown and slippers disappeared, and she was dressed once again in her peasant's rags. ...

Freed from the confinements of her gown and slippers, Cinderella sighed and scratched her ribs. She smiled, closed her eyes and said, 'Kill me now if you want, sisters, but at least I'll die in comfort.' ...

The womyn clucked their tongues but felt no remorse. The palace and realm were theirs now. Their first official act was to dress the men in their discarded dresses and tell the media that the fight arose when someone threatened to expose the crossdressing tendencies of the prince and his cronies. Their second was to set up a clothing co-op that produced only comfortable, practical clothes for womyn. Then they hung a sign on the castle advertising CinderWear (for that was what the new clothing was called), and through self-determination and clever marheting, they all-- even the mother- and sisters-of-step --lived happily ever after."

--"Politically Correct Bedtime Stories" by James Finn Garner

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