Psalm 73

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong.
5 They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance.
11 They say, "How can God know? Does the Most High have knowledge?"
12 This is what the wicked are like— always carefree, they increase in wealth.
13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning.
15 If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors!
20 As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

You Won't Relent (Seal)

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy, demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
As a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy, demanding as the grave
Many waters cannot quench this love
Waters cannot quench this love

You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours
Waters cannot quench this love
You won't relent until You have it all
My heart is Yours

Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are one

--Misty Edwards

John Calvin

"And yet it is not so terrified by the awareness of his judgment as to wish to withdraw, even if some way of escape were open. But it embraces him no less as punisher of the wicked than a benefactor of the pious. For the pious mind realizes that the punishment of the impious and wicked and the reward of life eternal for the righteous equally pertain to God's glory. Besides, this mind restrains itself from sinning, not out of dread of punishment alone; but, because it loves and reveres God as Father, it worships and adores him as Lord. Even if there were no hell, it would still shudder at offending him alone."

--John Calvin, Institutes, Book 1 ch. 2

Magnus Liber Organi

Natus Est Rex

A king is born

of the Virgin Mary,

salvation of the world,

the way of eternal life,

whom the undefiled and pious mother

brought forth.

O what joy goes forth

into the church

by reason of this birth,

the presence of Christ

and his grace

and grace.

He causes

heavenly joy.

They are destined

for the land.

The entrance is laid open.

Faithflessmess,

pride,

power,
the enemy is broken.

The entry
is restored.
The king, born
in a manner becoming to man,
gives entry
and, lost
and abandoned
to generation,
man is set free.

The world praises
a new king
with song
of new melodies.
He has brought us out
from the pool of darkness
and weight
of lingering woes.

Adam, whom the enemy
weakened and deceived,
had lost the kingdom
which God had given him,
and his grace
and grace.

He causes...

Now the words
of the prophets are fulfilled,
for unto us
a child God
is born,
as was testified by the holy scriptures,
for in his death
is the salvation of our souls....

First Adam
brought us to death.
Then he
returned us to life.
He has blessed the flesh,
taken on in a wondrous fashion,
he who is seated at the right hand
of the Father.

Because he has restored admittance
lost by the taste
It was neither a debt
nor our merit,
but only grace
and grace.

He causes....

A Lammas Ladymass

O quam glorifica

O how thou glitterest with glorious radiance,
virgin Mary, royal offspring of the tribe of David,
sitting exalted above
all the celestial beings of the empyrean.

Thou, chaste mother with virginal honor,
hast with thy holy womb prepared
the breast's palace for the lord of angels;
hence Christ is born, God incarnate,

whom the whole worshipping world adores,
before whom now every knee is rightly bent,
and from whom we beg, when though comest,
the casting out of darkness and the joys of light.

Grant this, father of all light,
through your own son by the Holy Spirit
who lives with you in bright heaven,
reigning and ruling forevermore.

--Translation: Ernest H. Sanders (v.1-3) and Susan Hellauer (v.4)

Agnus dei

Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world,
have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world,
grant us peace.

Glory to God in the Highest

"I uttered: Lord, have mercy on me, heal my soul, for I have sinned against Thee. Lord, I have fled to Thee, teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God, For Thou art the fountain of life. In Thy light we shall see light."
--Vespers: Glory to God in the Highest

Blessed Art Thou O Lord

The Resurrection Evlogitaria is chanted at every Sunday Matins.

Blessed art thou, O Lord,
teach me thy statutes.
The assembly of angels was amazed
to see thee numbered among the dead,
Thou who hadst destroyed the might of death,
O Saviour,
and who hast raised up Adam with Thyself,
and who hast freed all men from Hades.
Blessed art thou, O Lord,
teach me thy statutes.
Why do ye mingle myrrh with tears of compassion,
O ye women disciples?
The radiant angel in the grave addressed the myrrh-bearing women:
Behold the grave and exult, f
or the Saviour hath arisen from the sepulcher.
Blessed art thou, O Lord,
teach me thy statutes.
At early morn the myrrh-bearers hastened to thy sepulcher with lamentation;
but an angel came to them and said:
The time for sorrow is ended;
weep no more. And tell the Apostles of the Resurrection.
Blessed art thou, O Lord,
teach me thy statutes.
The myrrh-bearing women came with myrrh unto thy tomb, O Saviour,
and they heard an angel saying unto them:
Why do ye count the Living among the dead?
For, as God, he is risen from the sepulcher.
Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.
We worship the Father and his Son and the Holy Spirit, the Holy Trinity,
one in Essence, and we cry out with the seraphim:
Holy, Holy, Holy are Thou, O Lord!
Now and ever and unto the ages of ages.
Amen.
By giving birth to the Giver of Life, O Virgin,
thou didst rescue Adam from sin,
and thou didst grant Eve joy instead of sorrow;
for the God and Man who was incarnate of thee guided back to life
him that had fallen away therefrom.
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia,
glory to thee, O God!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia,
glory to thee, O God!
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia,
glory to thee, O God!

Quant Revient (Mo21)

When the return of leaf and flower
signal the arrival of the summer season,
God, that is when I think of Love
who has ever been
courteous and gentle with me.
Her solace pleases me greatly
for her good will
relieves my pain.
Many honors and good things
come to me from being in her service.

--Anonymous 4 Loves Illusion (Montpellier Codex 13 cent)

Decay

Decay

Staring into the sun,

Burdened and taken,

I was thrown away,

I lost everything and I came to a fall,

Blown away and thrown aside:

-

We used to love/ We want to feel/ We need to find

So far away we scream/ We crawl and reach/ We used to see the sun

-

Tears running I feel,

Back against the wall I feel the steel,

Nail in my hand from a broken man,

I wonder if we ever can,

Break free and find the real:

-

We used to love/ We want to feel/ We need to find

So far away we scream/ We crawl and reach/ We used to see the sun

-

Said it out loud,

Looked at the distance in the glass,

I saw what I was as I loaded a bullet,

My former life passed as the trigger pulled,

Ashes blown away/ thrown

-

We need to love/ We need to feel/ We need to find

So far away we scream/ We crawl and reach/ We need to see the sun

-

Silent decay spins,

Following crows as they rise,

Never again will I stray,

Once again I will fall

--Nick Ahern 2005-2006

The Shack

Breathe in me...deep
That I might breathe...and live
And hold me close that I might sleep
Soft held by all you give

Come kiss me wind and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

And no one knows that we exist
Wrapped in each other's arms
Except the One who blew the breath
That hides me safe from harm

Come kiss me wind and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

---The Shack p233

Brave New World

"'Oh, God, God, God...' the Savage kept repeating to himself. In the chaos of grief and remorse that filled his mind it was the one articulate word. 'God!' he whispered it aloud. 'God...'"
-p207

"But my own experience has given me the conviction that, quite apart from any such terrors or imaginings, the religious sentiment tends to develope as we grow older; to develope because, as the passions grow calm, as the fancy and sensibilities are less excited and less excitable, our reason becomes less troubled in its working, less obscured by the images, desires and distractions, in which it used to be absorbed; whereupon God emerges as from behind a cloud; our soul feels, sees, turns towards the source of light; turns naturally and inevitably; for now that all that gave to the world of sensations its life and charms has begun to leak away from us, now that phenomenal existence is no more bolstered up by impressions from within or from without, we feel the need to lean on something that abides, some thing that will never play us false- a reality, an absolute and everlasting truth. Yes, we inevitably turn to God; for this religious sentiment is of its nature so pure, so delightful to the soul that experiences it, that it makes up to us for all our other losses."
-p233 book quotes from another source

"'Are you sure?' asked the Savage. 'Are you quite sure that the Edmund in that pneumatic chair hasn't been just as heavily punished as the Edmund who's wounded and bleeding to death? The gods are just. Haven't they used his pleasant vices as an instrument to degrade him?' "
-p236

--Aldous Huxley

look up later: I have felt the hand of God" by Craig Courtney

Idyll of Praise

This is my father’s world,

And to my listening ears all nature sings,

And round me rings the music of the spheres.

This is my Father’s world:

I rest me in the thought of rocks and trees,

Of skies and seas His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world.

This is my Father’s world,

The birds their carols raise, the morning light, the lilly white,

Declare their maker’s praise.

This is my Father’s world:

He shines in all that’s fair;

In rustling grass I hear Him pass,

I hear Him everywhere.

This is my Father’s world.

This is my Father’s world,

O let me not forget that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the Ruler yet. This is my Father’s world:

The battle is not done;

Jesus who died shall be satisfied,

And earth and heaven be one.

This is my Father’s world.

--Craig Courtney

Hosea 7

¹ whenever I would heal Israel,
the sins of Ephraim are exposed
and the crimes of Samaria revealed.
They practice deceit,
thieves break into houses,
bandits rob in the streets;

² but they do not realize
that I remember all their evil deeds.
Their sins engulf them;
they are always before me.

³ "They delight the king with their wickedness,
the princes with their lies.

⁴ They are all adulterers,
burning like an oven
whose fire the baker need not stir
from the kneading of the dough till it rises.

⁵ On the day of the festival of our king
the princes become inflamed with wine,
and he joins hands with the mockers.

⁶ Their hearts are like an oven;
they approach him with intrigue.
Their passion smolders all night;
in the morning it blazes like a flaming fire.

⁷ All of them are hot as an oven;
they devour their rulers.
All their kings fall,
and none of them calls on me.

⁸ "Ephraim mixes with the nations;
Ephraim is a flat cake not turned over.

⁹ Foreigners sap his strength,
but he does not realize it.
His hair is sprinkled with gray,
but he does not notice.

¹⁰ Israel's arrogance testifies against him,
but despite all this
he does not return to the LORD his God
or search for him.

¹¹ "Ephraim is like a dove,
easily deceived and senseless—
now calling to Egypt,
now turning to Assyria.

¹² When they go, I will throw my net over them;
I will pull them down like birds of the air.
When I hear them flocking together,
I will catch them.

¹³ Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.

¹⁴ They do not cry out to me from their hearts
but wail upon their beds.
They gather together for grain and new wine
but turn away from me.

¹⁵ I trained them and strengthened them,
but they plot evil against me.

¹⁶ They do not turn to the Most High;
they are like a faulty bow.
Their leaders will fall by the sword
because of their insolent words.
For this they will be ridiculed
in the land of Egypt.

Hosea 6

¹ "Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.

² After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.

³ Let us acknowledge the LORD;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth."

⁴ "What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah?
Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears.

⁵ Therefore I cut you in pieces with my prophets,
I killed you with the words of my mouth;
my judgments flashed like lightning upon you.

⁶ For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.

⁷ Like Adam, they have broken the covenant—
they were unfaithful to me there.

Job 42:1-6

Then Job replied to the LORD :

"I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

"You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."

http://www.skypoint.com/members/waltzmn/PaulMSS.HTML

:)

"Suffering is not always punitive or even corrective. It can be instructive. It is a discipline and a warning. This is a common Wisdom theme (Pr. 3:11; Heb. 12:12f). This is affirmed by Eliphaz (Jb. 5:17) and especially by Elihu. Suffering is morally therapeutic and prophylactic.

Such answers to any man's question, 'Why am I suffering?' are confined to the individual. They are valuable and valid, because they take the human person seriously in his moral connections with God."
--Francis I. Anderson Job p69

Gregory Parsons

"Job's words in 27:5-6, where he insists that he would cling to integrity and maintain righteousness till death despite the allegations of his friends, bears ironic resemblance to the Lord's analysis of Job in 2:3. The irony that results from the use of the word 'integrity' causes the reader to wonder of the Lord would still describe Job in the same way after Job's long and blasphemous attacks on God. The usage of this literary device causes the reader to desire (and anticipate) the voice of God from the 'whirlwind.'"
--Gregory Parsons Literary Features of the Book of Job p217

T.S. Eliot

"To believe in the supernatural is not simply to believe that after living a successful, material, and fairly virtuous life here one will continue to exist in the best-possible substitute for this world, or that after living a starved and stunted life here one will be compensated with all the good things one has gone without: it is to believe that the supernatural is the greatest reality here and now."
--T.S. Eliot

Evanescence

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

^"12The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. ¹³For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

¹⁴Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. ¹⁵If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁶And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁷If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" ²²On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, ²³and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

²⁷Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. ²⁸And in the church God has appointed first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others, those with gifts of administration, and those speaking in different kinds of tongues. ²⁹Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? ³⁰Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? ³¹But eagerly desire the greater gifts.
And now I will show you the most excellent way."

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." --James 1:27

"Listen, my beloved brethren: did not God choose the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?" --James 2:5

"Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a newmoon or Sabbath day- things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ. Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God."--Col 2:16-19

Charles Wesley

Jesus, thine all victorious love shed in my heart abroad;
Then shall my feet no longer rove, rooted and fixed in God.
Refining fire, go through my heart, illuminate my soul;
Scatter thy life through every part, and sanctify the whole.
No longer then my heart shall mourn, while, purified by grace,
I only for his glory burn, and always see his face.

-Charles Wesley, untitled hymn text

Lamentations 3:19-38

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

²⁰ I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

²⁷ It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

²⁸ Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

²⁹ Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

³⁰ Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

³¹ For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

³² Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

³³ For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

³⁴ To crush underfoot
all prisoners in the land,

³⁵ to deny a man his rights
before the Most High,

³⁶ to deprive a man of justice—
would not the Lord see such things?

³⁷ Who can speak and have it happen
if the Lord has not decreed it?

³⁸ Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that both calamities and good things come?

Romans 5:1-5

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Journal entry 10-12-06

"For most of my life I have held that it is worse to feel something wonderful and have it snatched away than to have never experienced it. It was torture when my mom would hug me and tell me she loved me and then the next day yell and hurt me. I wanted to be hardened. To not enjoy the first part so that the second wouldn't hurt so badly. With Matt I felt something wonderful and thought there could be something more later. I see it all coming to nothing now. Disappointment.

If I hadn't hoped I would not feel so bad. Still, thinking about it, would I really want to live in a world that was completely cold? Back to my mother. If she had never hugged me and said she loved me- If all there was was fear- there may have been no disappointment and no hunger for the good but without those things it may have been much tougher for me to see that good existed. Maybe it is the disappointment that shows me how much I need the One who will not disappoint. Maybe I could have more readily accepted the dark. Maybe- I think all I can do is hope. But this hope must be placed in God. All else is a gift from Him or a gifte taken away by Him. I can give up and not want to experience the good or I can accept it knowing that it can be taken. I can know that the Ultimate Good will always be."

"...we Christians can wait expectantly and with fortitude for the 'hope' to manifest itself precisely because that for which we hope is 'unseen' and thereby part of the eternal and sure purposes of God. The attitude of 'patience endurance' is one that is frequently required of Christians undergoing trials and as they await the climax of God's salvation for them. The word suggests the combination of 'bearing up' under intense pressure. This is the virtue required by Christians as we eagerly await 'the hope of the glory of God.'"
--Douglas Moo The Epistle to the Romans p522 commenting on Rom 18:25

Romans 8:18-25

¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Let Your Love be Strong

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love


-Let your Love be strong
Switchfoot.

A Beautiful Mind

"The existence of someone with schizophrenia has been compared to that of the person living in a glass prison pounding on the walls, unable to be heard, yet very visible."
-A Beautiful Mind: A Man All Alone in a Strange World p323

When God Weeps

"I'm across the ocean in England when the fax arrives at my hotel, relaying the story. John's wife, along with a nurse, found him in the early morning with ants still in his hair, mouth, and eyes. His skin was badly bitten and burned. Pray for him, the fax conveys, we've never seen him so depressed. I'm speaking at a conference, conveying the plight of disabled people. I'm speaking of God's mercy and his protection over the weak and the vulnerable. I sit by the receptionist's desk and want to read the fax a second time but can't. My stomach's sick. John is a Christian. His God can see in the dark."
-p24

"Thirty seconds after the 1995 terrorist bomb exploded in Oklahoma City, people lay writhing everywhere in pools of blood...Near you lies a women- face, torso, and arms shredded with glass shrapnel. An artery has obviously been hit, but you can't tell exactly where from a few away. The horror of the sight may make you feel faint. You may feel confused and panicked. You may feel afraid that another bomb will go off. You may feel like cursing or praying. You may feel a thousand things- but if you don't stop the feeling and start thinking about how to stop her flow of blood and attend to her shock, this women may die.

But shouldn't people have feelings after such a blast? Oh, yes. Intense suffering calls for deep emotions. In the aftermath, Oklahoma and the nation should weep and weep. We should weep. God weeps. 'To everything there is a season...a time to weep.' But there is also a time to think. Neither can replace the other."
-p66

Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes

Enemy
Familiar friend
My beginning and my end
Knowing truth
Whispering lies
And it hurts again...

What I fear
What I try
The words I say and what I hide
All the pain
I want it to end
But I want it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's still the same
Pursuing pain
Isn't worth the light I've gained
We both know
How this will end
But I do it again

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
(It's everything)
It's nothing
It's everything

And it finds me
The fight inside is coursing through my veins
And it's raging
The fight inside is hurting me again
And it finds me
The war within me pulls me under
And without you
The fight inside is breaking me again

It's breaking me
It's breaking me

I'm falling apart
I'm falling apart

--RED Fight Inside

Job 16:6-17:16

⁶ "Yet if I speak, my pain is not relieved;

and if I refrain, it does not go away.

⁷ Surely, O God, you have worn me out;
you have devastated my entire household.

⁸ You have bound me—and it has become a witness;
my gauntness rises up and testifies against me.

⁹ God assails me and tears me in his anger
and gnashes his teeth at me;
my opponent fastens on me his piercing eyes.

¹⁰ Men open their mouths to jeer at me;
they strike my cheek in scorn
and unite together against me.

¹¹ God has turned me over to evil men
and thrown me into the clutches of the wicked.

¹² All was well with me, but he shattered me;
he seized me by the neck and crushed me.
He has made me his target;

¹³ his archers surround me.
Without pity, he pierces my kidneys
and spills my gall on the ground.

¹⁴ Again and again he bursts upon me;
he rushes at me like a warrior.

¹⁵ "I have sewed sackcloth over my skin
and buried my brow in the dust.

¹⁶ My face is red with weeping,
deep shadows ring my eyes;

¹⁷ yet my hands have been free of violence
and my prayer is pure.

¹⁸ "O earth, do not cover my blood;
may my cry never be laid to rest!

¹⁹ Even now my witness is in heaven;
my advocate is on high.

²⁰ My intercessor is my friend ^a]">[a]
as my eyes pour out tears to God;

²¹ on behalf of a man he pleads with God
as a man pleads for his friend.

²² "Only a few years will pass
before I go on the journey of no return.

¹ My spirit is broken,
my days are cut short,
the grave awaits me.

² Surely mockers surround me;
my eyes must dwell on their hostility.

³ "Give me, O God, the pledge you demand.
Who else will put up security for me?

⁴ You have closed their minds to understanding;
therefore you will not let them triumph.

⁵ If a man denounces his friends for reward,
the eyes of his children will fail.

⁶ "God has made me a byword to everyone,
a man in whose face people spit.

⁷ My eyes have grown dim with grief;
my whole frame is but a shadow.

⁸ Upright men are appalled at this;
the innocent are aroused against the ungodly.

⁹ Nevertheless, the righteous will hold to their ways,
and those with clean hands will grow stronger.

¹⁰ "But come on, all of you, try again!
I will not find a wise man among you.

¹¹ My days have passed, my plans are shattered,
and so are the desires of my heart.

¹² These men turn night into day;
in the face of darkness they say, 'Light is near.'

¹³ If the only home I hope for is the grave, ^b]">[b]
if I spread out my bed in darkness,

¹⁴ if I say to corruption, 'You are my father,'
and to the worm, 'My mother' or 'My sister,'

¹⁵ where then is my hope?
Who can see any hope for me?

¹⁶ Will it go down to the gates of death ^c]">[c] ?
Will we descend together into the dust?"

Hymn of Praise (Josiah Condor)

Thou art the everlasting Word,
The Father's only Son;
God manifestly seen and heard,
And Heaven's beloved One.
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

In Thee most perfectly expressed
The Father's glories shine;
Of the full Deity possessed,
Eternally divine:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

True Image of the Infinite,
Whose essence is concealed;
Brightness of uncreated light;
The heart of God revealed:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

But the high mysteries of Thy name
And angel's grasp transcend;
The Father only- glorious claim!-
The Son can comprehend:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

Throughout the universe of bliss,
The center Thou, and sun;
The eternal theme of praise is this,
To Heaven's beloved One:
Worthy, O Lamb of God, art Thou
That every knee to Thee should bow.

--Josiah Condor (1789-1855)

Job 7

Job 7

¹ "Does not man have hard service on earth?
Are not his days like those of a hired man?

² Like a slave longing for the evening shadows,
or a hired man waiting eagerly for his wages,

³ so I have been allotted months of futility,
and nights of misery have been assigned to me.

⁴ When I lie down I think, 'How long before I get up?'
The night drags on, and I toss till dawn.

⁵ My body is clothed with worms and scabs,
my skin is broken and festering.

⁶ "My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle,
and they come to an end without hope.

⁷ Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath;
my eyes will never see happiness again.

⁸ The eye that now sees me will see me no longer;
you will look for me, but I will be no more.

⁹ As a cloud vanishes and is gone,
so he who goes down to the grave ^a]">[a] does not return.

¹⁰ He will never come to his house again;
his place will know him no more.

¹¹ "Therefore I will not keep silent;
I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.

¹² Am I the sea, or the monster of the deep,
that you put me under guard?

¹³ When I think my bed will comfort me
and my couch will ease my complaint,

¹⁴ even then you frighten me with dreams
and terrify me with visions,

¹⁵ so that I prefer strangling and death,
rather than this body of mine.

¹⁶ I despise my life; I would not live forever.
Let me alone; my days have no meaning.

¹⁷ "What is man that you make so much of him,
that you give him so much attention,

¹⁸ that you examine him every morning
and test him every moment?

¹⁹ Will you never look away from me,
or let me alone even for an instant?

²⁰ If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
O watcher of men?
Why have you made me your target?
Have I become a burden to you? ^b]">[b]

²¹ Why do you not pardon my offenses
and forgive my sins?
For I will soon lie down in the dust;
you will search for me, but I will be no more."

"Job's thoughts are as violent as the sieve of testing in which God has permitted the Satan to shake him. He appeals to God to make his agony endurable by making it meaningful. Otherwise let Him show pity by bringing Job to death. Job's pain has the authenticity of all who have been injured in their wrestling with God, even though they limp for the rest of their life (Gn. 32:31). If he seems defiant, it is the daring of faith. All that Job has known about God he still believes. But God's inexplicable ways have his mind perplexed to the breaking-point. Job is in the right; but he does not know that God is watching with silent compassion and admiration until the test is fully done and it is time to state His approval publicly (Jb 42:8)."
--Job by Francis I. Anderson p.139

I Then Shall Live

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen

--Gloria Gaither

Essentials of Pedriatric Nursing

"Enforced dependency is a chief characteristic of the sick role and accounts for the numerous instances of toddler negativism. For example, rigid schedules, different clothes, altered care giving activities, unfamiliar surroundings, separation from parents, and medical procedures usurp toddlers' control over their world. Although most toddlers initially react negatively and aggressively to such dependency, prolonged loss of autonomy may result in passive withdrawal from interpersonal relationships and regression in all areas of development."
-p662

"Adolescents' struggle for independence, self-assertion, and liberation centers on the quest for personal identity. Anything that interferes with this poses a threat to their sense of identity and results in a loss of control."
-662

"Because separation is such an important issue surrounding hospitalization for young children, children who are active and strong willed tend to fare better when hospitalized than youngsters who are passive."
-663

"Feelings of loss of control result from separation, physical restriction, changed routines, enforced dependency, and magical thinking."
-670

"The dependent role of the hospitalized patient imposes tremendous feelings of loss on older children. Principle interventions should focus on respect for individuality and the opportunity for decision making. Although these sound simple, their efficacy lies with nurses who are flexible and tolerant. It is also important for the nurse to empower the patient while not feeling threatened by a sense of lessened control.

Enabling children's control involves helping them maintain independence and promoting the concept of self-care. Self-care refers to the practice of activities that individuals personally initiate and perform on their own behalf in maintaining life, health, and well-being (Orem, 2001). ...Whenever possible, these activities are encouraged in the hospital. Other approaches include jointly planning care, time structuring, wearing street cloths, making choices in food selections and bedtime, continuing school activities, and rooming with an appropriate age-mate."
-271


--Wong's Essentials of Pediatric Nursing 8th edition by Marilyn J. Hockenberry and David Wilson

Job

"Why is light given to him who suffers,
And life to the bitter of the soul,
Who long for death, but there is none,
And dig for it more than for hidden treasures,
Who rejoice greatly,
And exult when they find the grave?
Why is the light given to a man whose way is hidden,
And whom God has hedged in?
For my groaning comes at the sight of my food,
And my cries pour out like water.
For what I fear comes upon me,
And what I dread befalls me.
I am not at ease, nor am I quiet,
And I am not at rest, but turmoil comes."
--Job 3:20-26

"What is a man that You magnify him,
And that You are concerned about him,
That You examine him every morning
And try him every moment?
Will You never turn Your gaze away from me,
Nor let me alone until I swallow my spittle?
Have I sinned? What have I done to You,
O watcher of men?
Why have You set me as Your target,
So that I am a burden to myself?
Why then do You not pardon my transgression
And take away my iniquity?
For now I will lie down in the dust;
And You will seek me, but I
will not be."
--Job 7:17-21

The Destitute

"What is reported of men, whether it be true or false, may play as large a part in their lives, and above all in their destiny, as the things they do." -p19

"Mlle Baptistine was tall, pale, thin and gentle, a perfect expression of all that is implied by the word 'respectable': for it seems that a women must become a mother before she can be termed 'venerable'. She had never been pretty. Her life, which had been wholly occupied with good works, had endowed her with a kind of pallor and luminosity, and as she grew older she had acquired what may be called the beauty of goodness. What had been skinniness in her youth had become, as she matured, a quality of transparency through which her saintly nature could be seen to shine. She was a spirit more than she was a virgin. Her being seemed composed of shadow, with too little substance for it to posses sex. It was a shred of matter harbouring light, with large eyes that were always cast down; a pretext for a soul to linger on earth." -20

"Can human nature be ever wholly and radically transformed? Can the man whom God made good be made wicked by man? Can the soul be reshaped in its entirety by destiny and made evil because destiny is evil? Can the heart become misshapen and afflicted with ugly, incurable deformities under disproportionate misfortune, like a spinal column bent beneath a too low roof? Is there not in every human soul, and was there not in the soul of Jean Valjean, an essential spark, an element of the divine, indestructible in this world and immortal in the next, which goodness can preserve, nourish, and fan into glorious flame, and which evil can never quite extinguish?" -98

With the hazy perception of an unformed nature and an overborne intelligence, he was confusedly unaware of something monstrous that oppressed him. Did he seek to look upward beyond the pallid half-light in which he crouched, it was to see, with mingled terror and rage, an endless structure rising above him, a dreadful piling-up of things, laws, prejudices, men and facts, whose shape he could not discern and whose mass appalled him, and which was nothing else than the huge pyramid that we call civilization. Here and there in the formless, swarming heap, near to him or at an inaccessible height, some detail would be thrown into sharp relief- the prison- warder with his truncheon, the gendarme with his sabre; above these the mitred bishop, and at the very top, like a sun, the Emperpor radiantly crowned. Far from dispelling his own darkness, those distant splendors seemed only to intensify it. Life came and went above his head- laws, prejudices, facts, men and things- in the intricate and mysterious pattern God stamps on civilization, bearing down and crushing him with a placid cruelty and remorseless indifference. Men fallen into the nethermost pit of adversity, lost in that limbo where the eyes do not follow, those outcasts of the law feel upon their necks the whole weight of society, so formidable to the outsider, so terrifying to the underdog. -101
--Les Miserables